Redefining What Family Looks Like
Andrea Coppola’s Intentional Journey to Motherhood
Chiara is three. Like any 3-year-old, she is constantly on the go. One minute she’s spinning circles through the living room in a Disney princess dress, the next she’s singing and dancing to a song she made up on the spot. Watching her, you’d never know what it took to get here.
For Andrea Coppola, all of this – the laughter, the bedtime stories, the very existence of her daughter – used to be something she wasn’t sure she’d ever have.
She was 37 with no partner. But the desire to be a mom just wouldn’t go away.
“I really wanted to be a mom,” she told me. “I didn’t want to miss my chance.”
So, Andrea took matters into her own hands. She quit waiting for the timeline in her head to show up on its own. She built the family she wanted so badly. And she did it by herself, on her own terms.
Her road was rough. She lost her job a few months before the pandemic. Then COVID hit and disrupted her plans, as it did for pretty much everyone. A total of four IUI rounds only culminated in a chemical pregnancy and a miscarriage. She switched to IVF, switched donors, and just kept going. Several setbacks and disappointments later, her embryo transfer finally took.
But through all the years, it wasn’t that Andrea was fearless or heartbroken. It’s more that she refused to quit.
This is also something she wishes more people understood: IVF doesn’t come with a guarantee attached.
“There’s science behind it,” she said. “But just because you’re able to make an embryo doesn’t mean you’re going to have a live birth.”
As if the uncertainty of whether IVF will work wasn’t enough on its own, doing it alone adds a weight most people never think about. “You’re not going through it with a partner,” she said. “It takes a lot of determination and drive to follow through on making your dream happen.”
The thing that stuck with me through this interview the most, however, wasn’t the medical side of the story. It was how open she’s been with Chiara from the start.
Chiara has always known how she came into the world. Andrea made homemade board books about the donor. Nothing dramatic, just something as ordinary as any other bedtime story.
“I want it to be something she always knew,” Andrea said. “I want our family to feel normal to her.”
To me, this was also a strong, if quiet, way of pushing back on the idea that kids need one specific family setup. As a society, we’re led to believe the traditional setup is always two parents. The truth is, not every family is built that way. Sometimes that’s intentional, and sometimes it’s by circumstance
Andrea hopes Chiara grows up seeing the donor as one part of her story, not the whole plot. “I have a donor,” she imagines her daughter saying someday. “But I have this amazing village, and our family looks different… and that’s okay.”
Building that village took longer than she expected. At first, Andrea figured friends and family would just show up when needed. That’s not really how it went. People got busy. Some moved away. A lot of the support she’d counted on wasn’t actually there when she needed it.
In the end, she found her support system somewhere else. The SMC Forum, local meetups, women who got it without her needing to explain a thing. A few of those turned into real, lasting friendships.
Near the end of our conversation, I asked Andrea what she’d tell a woman still weighing whether to try motherhood on her own.
She smiled. “If it’s something you’re considering, just do it. You don’t know how long it’s going to take. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s the best, most intentional decision I’ve ever made.”
Thinking back on our conversation, I don’t think Andrea was trying to sell anyone on her path. She was just showing what’s possible as you try to build your family. Her story is what happens when you actually believe in it and go do it.
Over the years, I’ve talked with a lot of moms, and here’s what I’ve learned: no two paths into motherhood look alike. There’s no blueprint for building a family. Andrea’s story is proof of this. Love doesn’t follow a script, and neither do the women chasing it on their own.
Visit Andrea’s Coppola’s Instagram @mamaonmyterms
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